Healing Relationships: Guilt, Blame, and Suffering

There is someone you can never seem to please and you always seem to do the wrong thing in their eyes. They see you as the cause for their suffering, and have stories to prove it. But these stories are not true, you cannot be the cause for their suffering even if the stories look convincing.

The truth is that they have carried this suffering hidden within them for a long time and you have come to offer a place where they can see it. In you they can project the cause of the suffering and feel safe that they are not responsible for it. Without you the fear of expressing it would be too great, for the true cause of the suffering is indeed great and not at all about the little story they’ve deceived themselves with. Do not be tempted to believe the story nor defend against it. Either way you would strengthen it.

The truth is, we suffer because we have placed our faith in something other than God and for this we have hidden and unconscious guilt. We project guilt outward to hide the true cause of our suffering for our fear of God is great. We have hidden this knowledge in unconsciousness so we are blind to it and do not see what we are doing. Because we do not see the truth we are innocent in our projection of guilt and blame. The suffering is not ended by continuing to find righteousness in stories that make others wrong and make others the cause for our suffering. The suffering will continue until we give up on seeing stories and become willing to see anew.

The feeling of suffering comes from feeling that something is not quite right, a sense of insecurity, and fear. The cause is we have laid our faith in something of the world, rather than in God. The natural response of this must be fear, for all things of the world are temporary and will be lost and deep down inside we know this. The feeling is natural and is the correct response for having misplaced our faith in something so temporary.

In our hearts we remember the total security and love of God though we may not consciously remember it. This inner remembrance is constantly calling for God and anything less we cannot settle for. The heart calling for God is often not seen for what it is and so many seek for security, fulfillment, and love in the world they see. This seeking in the world is natural and innocent, for one who seeks in the world does not SEE, and so cannot see the option that is available to them. If they could, the choice for God would be so obvious and apparent that there would be no question at all.

One who seeks in the world will be disappointed and experience loss. Happiness is fleeting and temporary and always has an opposite here. When one has traveled many paths that lead to the same place of unfulfillment they may finally choose to give up and ask for something else not born out of their own paths and stories.

How do we use this knowledge of the true cause of suffering to help another who blames us for their suffering?

See this one and know the cause of their fear in your mind. Do not defend nor deny their projections or stories. If you do this may cause fear and further attack and defense and you will be merely strengthening the story for both of you.

God allows us to wander for as long as we choose and still loves us the same, even as we hate and slander Him. His love for us is unceasing, He does not take offence nor defend. He knows we do not see and sees our innocence even as we have forgotten it. Give this to the one who blames you for their suffering.

The one who blames you may find many excuses as to why you are the one making them miserable, or causing them pain, and some of these stories may even sound reasonable or convincing. To help you lay down your own sword and shield, find within yourself where the story they are telling is true, even if it’s a tiny grain of truth. See this grain of truth in your heart and be willing to let go of all of the defense of your own story in your mind. The acceptance of their story is just another story, but it is a story that will lead to healing. Your defenselessness is an offer of peace and will allow the other to lay down their own sword and shield. This acceptance allows a tiny opening and is an invitation for seeing innocence. You need not say anything to practice defenselessness and seeing innocence.

The truth is their accusations and your defense are both just stories and are made to separate and hide love. You each have a story and neither is true because it does not come from love but from fear that something of value could be taken away. Ask yourself, what am I defending? Any suffering you experience must be because you have placed value in something you see could be threatened or taken away. This defending of stories is in opposition to what you are as God created. Do not deny your truth by defending a limited idea of yourself and do not place value in what can be taken away.

Once you let go of your own stories you may see that your accuser is also innocently blind in believing their own. Any suffering expressed is because one does not know the love and truth of God for him in this moment. God grants us freedom to do as we will. Remember this and judge not ones decision to wander, knowing the way is still open for them to choose differently when they are ready, and if they choose to do so. In this awareness you offer strength to them acknowledging they are not a victim of their story, and neither are you.

As long as you are defending yourself you will not be able to feel love. This is an important step in offering healing to another. You must first accept love to offer love. Love and defenselessness in you offer an opening to them that they may see as you see. You are no longer arguing with them and they no longer need to defend themselves. There is room for light to enter in this. Just allow for whatever comes, accept the other just as they are right now, even in their delusions knowing that they have chosen to project their suffering and play a role of victim that is not their truth.

Know this for them and you will know it for yourself. Remember what God has given cannot be taken away by anyone. In your defenselessness you witness to your truth and to theirs. Take only this step in your willingness to lay down the sword and shield you have taken up. You need do nothing else, but wait for Him to guide you.

A mustard seed

The largest of all flowers grows from the tiniest of all seeds. A mustard seed of faith planted in the overturned and disturbed soils of this world brings forth the flowers that tower above all others. This height is our vantage from which we are able to see above the battlefield of the world where worries and faith are placed in what is temporal. Our Home is not in the temporary but in the eternal and as we look beyond the loud and violent messages of fear, we begin to hear the voice for our Lord rise up to be seen and heard and understood. This truth towers over all false beliefs leaving none unknown and unseen for what they are. The truth becomes as obvious as those tall mustard flowers when we have given the tiniest amount of faith and space to grow by our willingness.

Choose again to be free

We choose to see these things outside of ourself because it makes us not guilty. The manifestation of a person showing us where we feel vulnerable very much seems like it’s obviously not us doing anything. It’s very easy to place blame and feel like the innocent one and most of the world would agree with you. However, if your purpose is for awakening use this to see that you choose seeing yourself as victim. Use this to notice the resistance to letting that go because of the desire to hold onto self righteousness and the desire to protect some idea of yourself. Is this idea really keeping you or anybody else safe or is it actually causing the experience it promises to protect you from? What if you are not right in your belief? Would you for even a moment be willing to see it differently and be released from a world of fear? Would you trust that God is actually sustaining you and you are perfectly protected and perfectly whole and nobody can take anything from you? Would you be willing to see and know that for just a moment? Just let go of your idea that you are right for one instant and be willing to accept that it’s possible that you do not understand. Ask to be shown, not what you think should replace that but what you do not know. See if you are not convinced by something entirely new and yet completely familiar that dawns on your mind like a rising sun bringing light to a landscape once dark and obscured by shadows. I will never convince you of anything, the world will only convince you of what you already “know”, but God will convince you of the Truth because He can not be experienced and doubted. And you will be convinced because you will recognize the Truth as you will recognize yourself. And the Truth WILL set you free!

Lord lead me

It’s times like this when I find I really need to call on Jesus as my guide to help me see beyond my own limited sight of this world and it’s limitations. The past year has run me through the wringer. My world has been shaken and turned upside down and whenever I feel solidity from the earth I’m sent reeling again from another blow. It’s forced me to learn to not rely on what I have in the past. I cannot provide for my own safety and salvation and none of the comforts that I once believed provided security to this frail idea of a person I thought I was. Separate from God I am lost, crushed, and hiding in fear from a dark world I have kept away from His light.

Now once again I need to let go and trust that Jesus will help me see again and remove my pain and fear with a glimmer of his light and Love. I cannot bare alone what I am here for and know not the way to my own salvation. My thoughts and judgments keep me apart from God as I would try to provide for my own salvation and be led into a maze of twisting paths that lead nowhere. His way leads me directly Home and is a path I could not see without Him. It is a path that I was so blinded to before that it did not even seem exist. I shining light came to reveal it was always there and a knowledge that I was never alone as I had thought.

Without my Guide the path to God is hidden. I cannot make that road Home myself no matter how many tools the world seems to offer. The roads of the world are built without vision and their way is not true. I cannot go back to building false roads in blindness using fear and judgement as my compass. This will never do. I need help now and my only hope is beyond myself and what the world in darkness tells me. My salvation is not in the world I see but in the world beyond this world that only He shows me. Thank you Jesus for coming into this world to show me the way out.

Gratitude for the Way, the Truth and the Life

Each time I think I am on my own let me turn to him and set aside my judgement and turn to him.  I let go of my stubborn ideas that I am a victim of my brother and ask to see again his innocence and have my heart opened.  I feel resistance and fear creep in and give that to God, asking to trade this lack of love for His Love and ask to let me know of my true safety in Him.

I willingly let go of the fear of what is unknown to me, in trust.  What comes in fills my heart to overflowing and turns me around completely, like Jesus taking my hand and leading me back to the way from which I came.   The light shone on my back and I did not see it. Now he brings me to face directly into it and my mind and heart can see what I could not before.  I let go of a lowly perspective of hate, now forgotten and traded for a joy and love so complete that no idea of lack or sin would touch it.

My only purpose is the extension of the love of God to my brother. If I am not saved I can not even see him to offer him what I do not have.  My only function then is to remember the way to my salvation and trust not in myself but in Him who shines into my heart to guide me. Jesus is a bridge and a guide to God. Through Jesus I find the Love which is in my own. Through Him I know God. My only joy could be the extension of that Love. The joy to be used as a conduit of God’s light is the highest and only true purpose. It is the joy of all who look in the world but know not for what they seek or where to find it. Through my connection with Him I experience the intense Love and Light of God and it is not of me nor of this world. There is nothing in this world that holds value above it or that could even be compared. His light removes everything that held lack and separation from Him and no more could I want.

Beyond Words, Beyond the world

There is no other peace but full

There is no other love but whole

There is no other truth but One

All is in God and is given completely and to complete

His Truth blows away all that is false

His Truth frees completely

Letting go of fear

Fear is a distraction from reality and in itself is nothing. It is formless but we may attach it to a form (situation, person, or idea) in order to give it more “reality” in our world. If we get rid of the form of one fear it will just pop up in another form. We must realize that it is the fear itself that is not real. As we loosen our hold on the belief in fear we are no longer trapped by it. It becomes something we can just watch like a shadow moving across a landscape trying to attach to many different forms but no longer having our belief in it to allow it stick to anything. Fear then has no power over our mind.

Fear obscures truth. When fear is let go, solutions become obvious, action becomes simple, and all things are seen more clearly.

Fear is a distraction from reality and in itself is nothing. It is formless but we may attach it to a form (situation, person, or idea) in order to give it more “reality” in our world. If we get rid of the form of one fear it will just pop up in another form. We must realize that it is the fear itself that is not real. As we loosen our hold on the belief in fear we are no longer trapped by it. It becomes something we can just watch like a shadow moving across a landscape trying to attach to many different forms but no longer having our belief in it to allow it stick to anything. Fear then has no power over our mind.

Fear obscures truth. When fear is let go, solutions become obvious, action becomes simple, and all things are seen more clearly.

Trust God’s Promise

Trust God.  Look at everything anew and in Trust.  Put God first and all else will be given to you.  All wanting and desire when acknowledged through God is fulfilled completely in Him. Look not outside of God to be fulfilled and all will be given that you seek, because all that you seek is in Him.

Let God provide for you.  It is His will, His love, and His gift to you.  Your acceptance is your gift to Him.

Trusting yourself only, you turn away from Him and do not allow Him to offer you the kingdom that is your inheritance.  The completeness of Heaven is brought by only your willingness to accept it.  What you cannot see now you must trust is being offered to you and know that your willingness will allow Him to bring it.  But deny it, and even God cannot deny you your free will, to choose to seek elsewhere for your fulfillment.  You may choose to be your own keeper in fear and illusions and believe that you could make more of and for yourself than by seeking His will which is for You.  When you seek Him first then remembrance will return to you and you will Know and gratitude that there is nothing more than EVERYTHING He is and that He offers to you NOW.

The homecoming to God is the most beautiful experience we can have here.  To turn back to seeing now what we knew all along, but had let be hidden by our own desire and wanting for something different.  With the illusion of our own making lifted, the veil blows away easily in the light of Truth that was never threatened nor lost.  This is what all of heaven waits for and rejoices in.

What I see is that God never left my side.  I was distracted to look at shadows that in His light disappear.  Suffering that never occurred because all is healed as He wipes away all tears. In great joy and laughter I see there was nothing ever to fear and nothing lost.  In an instant all hate, sorrow, fear, sadness, doubt, and hurt is removed. Vision is corrected and the world shines brightly in forgiveness and peace.  The glory of God is all that is and ever was.  For those who will see, a peace will maintain them through all trials and carry them through even the darkest places.  Nothing the world can offer has a threat nor promise that compares to this promise of God.

Assume not the form that the solution to your perceived problems will take or you have already limited Him. You know not the solution nor even understand the problem.  Let Him guide you by letting go of everything you think you know, let go of your attachment to how you see the problem and what you think the solution should be. Let go because you cannot see in darkness, and when you perceive that you are even threatened by something, you are in darkness still. This is an error in your thinking, because it is not God’s will that you should be threatened by anything.  He created you in His image, not to be fearful and lacking.  Realize your inheritance and trust God to show you what is real.  IT is beyond all that you think now and IT WILL set you free completely.  There is nothing to fear in letting go of fear and EVERYTHING to gain.

An Eternal Foundation

I feel gratitude to my brother for showing me where I had built my house on sand.  Where I believed I was wronged and hurt was where my false security lay on an ever shifting foundation.  What is True can not be harmed. It is invulnerable and unchangeable. This is where my soul truly abides and my foundation rests securely in God.

Now I can see what God gives, no man can take away. What God allows is for me to be shown where my foundation is weak.  Cracks appear on a foundation laid on shifting ground.  Do I hold to form as my god or let go and follow another, beyond form, my savior, my release, and trust God’s plan to show me how to let go of all that is false so I may go easily from this world into His arms.  He gives me exactly what i need in every way.  And what I once thought I needed, that was based in a belief that what I had could be taken away, I see it held me from knowing the Truth. What I believed I had to protect me protected nothing and was of no value and kept me from recognizing the power of God and Trusting him completely.

All situations and forms are temporary. I must be ready to let it all go as quickly as it comes, for He comes quickly to me only as I let go of what is not Him.  I can only learn to see darkness for what it is (a fear, a belief in lack, a vulnerability) and ask for His light to shine upon it. What do these ideas threatening but that which is not true and eternal.  The Truth cannot be threatened just as darkness does not alter light.

Sin is a lack of light. Sin means without. There is nothing outside of God and to sin is to believe I can be outside of God and separate from Him.   Faith in sin blocked my understanding before I accepted forgiveness. As I let go of the belief in vunerability of what is True and accept forgiveness my innocence is returned and the innocence of my brother is my freedom.  Through my release he is released.  I can not hold him by guilt and be free.  Forgiveness is total and miraculous. It makes whole and holy where once there was sin.  It makes a space where love floods in.

How grateful I am to God that I am so full.  How could I believe that I am vulnerable and be aware of my complete security and fulfillment in God at the same time? It is impossible.  Darkness does not exist in light.  There is nothing missing in God.  I cannot hold an awareness of God while one sin or belief in lack remains within me.  However as I bring each of these sins to God and place them before his light, all is revealed for what it is.   What is not true is seen corrected, all that is false came from believing what was not true, from blindness and fear, and placing what is temporary and vulnerable as an idol before God.

Oh how I was wrong and can see now!  Gratitude fills my heart now.  I hold onto nothing that is not true for long.  It’s inability to satisfy and sustain me is revealed.  I am not temporary.  My place is with God.

Fulfilled

When my heart is full there is nothing I am seeking in the world, for nothing could add nor take away from the fullness of God’s love. I can only let it be. All that I see is forgiven and my experience is gratitude for all.